She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
