I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
