I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
