I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
