Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She just used a chaser for red wine.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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