you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize