The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
