He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
