we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
