At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
