So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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