he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
