for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
