Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
