fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
