Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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