yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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