M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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