pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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