Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
