i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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