Can i not drive my cunt home
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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