I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
