Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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