I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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