So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
