..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
