i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
