I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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