is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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