I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
