Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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