My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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