We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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