so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
