yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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