i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
