Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
