My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
