What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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