dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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