awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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