I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
