whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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