was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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