Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
