she woke up with a sticky ear
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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