i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
