do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
