holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
