I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
