his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
