Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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