I want to stick my p in your. b.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
