i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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