I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
