So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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