Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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