it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
