whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
