Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
