There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize