I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
