I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
