It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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