just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
