My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
