found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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