In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize