you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
